C-Section

I gave birth via c-section when I had Chloe. Prior to finding out that it would be what we had to have, I was planning an unmedicated natural birth. But Miss Chloe had other plans. She was frank breech with her little hips stuck in the birth canal. While I am aware that vaginal breech births are possible, it was not a risk I was willing to take.

When I found out about my c-section I was disappointed but didn't really think about it too much. I've had plenty of surgeries and am thankful for modern medical practices. The surgery went off without any major issues. I didn't feel a thing, my doctor was very sweet, and most importantly my baby was born healthy.

Throughout the last seven and a half months I've reflected on my birth experience from time to time. When Chloe was about a month old I remember being upset because I didn't know what to call my experience. I didn't feel like I had given birth. I didn't know if it was fair to those who had vaginal births for me to say that I gave birth. In reality my baby was cut out of me. I still have not come to terms with what to call it. I still feel weird saying that I gave birth.

I never felt really sad about my c-section a week ago. One of my sorority sisters gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl. I'm so happy for her and her fiancé. They are going to be great parents. Her birth got me thinking of my own and I began to think more and more about my c-section. I guess I haven't really put my feelings about it behind me, I sort of just buried them. I'm not really sure what to do. It's quite frustrating. I'm so thankful for my baby, but I still wonder everyday what it would have been like if I had really had the birth I wanted. I'm a bit lost there.

On a lighter note, here's a new picture I took last week of my girl. She's so beautiful :)